Sunday, September 20, 2009

So... When will I finally be able to see my kids again?

I have to admit though – all this talk about faith in God, really wasn’t making me feel all that much better about what had happened to my family.

I guess when you come right down to it, I just couldn’t bring myself to believe that God would allow this to happen. I simply had to believe that this whole legal fiasco had to really anger Him. And just for the record: I still believe that. In fact, I think there are allot of problems on this planet that really make Him mad. But I was still focused on my own pain, and my own anger, and I kept demanding to know what He was going to do about it.

That’s when it hit me: He is going to do something about it! He does have a plan to fix the whole mess. My kids will get to finally learn the truth about what happened to our relationship.

Now I have to admit folks, it took me a long time to wrap my mind around this. Years, in fact. Guess you could say I’m kindofa slow learner. But in my defense, I think it’s perfectly natural to expect faster results whenever we face a debilitating problem.

The problem was that I had never fully come to understand the significance of His promise of Resurrection. My faith had always been more-or-less based on the here-and-now. I really expected that if I was a “good” person, and kept on doing the “right” things, like going to church, reading my Bible, even paying my tithe (well, almost a tithe) that I could expect God to come to my defense.

I really thought that He woulda stuck up for me when my ex divorced me, and by now I should at least be able to visit my kids. The hard part for me was learning that He wanted me to have more than just a “here-and-now” kinda faith.

That’s when I finally began to realize how important the Resurrection really is.

When that Day finally arrives, I will see my kids again, they will learn the truth about me, and they will finally want reconciliation! Yeah – they’ll want it – no matter how much they say they don’t want it now. And d'ya know what the best part is? I won’t have to try to convince anybody of my innocence. (OK- so you'all know, at least those of you who have actually had to face PAS, I'm the last person on earth that my kids are gonna believe, when it comes to explaining my own innocence.) But on Resurrection Day – I won’t have to explain myself. The records will be read, and the truth will be made known! That’s already been taken care of! (check out Malachi 3:16...)

I'm finally starting to understand why Paul made such a big deal about having "hope" in the Resurrection.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

"Most of my kids have PAS too..."

Once I began to realize the full impact of what my ex had taught my kids to believe about me, I was devastated. What was even worse: the harder I tried to correct the damage, the worse it became. Gradually, I began to realize that without custody (and thereby control) I had no hope of ever re-establishing my relationship with my children. And, it was certain that the courts would never allow me to regain custody – therefore I had no hope of ever regaining control. And so, it became clear to me that all hope of recovery had become lost.

I prayed about this for two reasons: First, becasue of the loss of my relationship with my children, and second because I was so frustrated by the loss of control over my own life. I thought surely a gracious and loving Heavenly Father would understand how I felt. After all, He would want me to have a healthy relationship with my children – wouldn’t He? Shouldn’t He be able to intervene and help me correct the situation which the courts, and my ex, had created?

I was shocked by His answer: “Most of my kids have PAS too.” I had to sit back and think about that idea for a while, before I began to realize just how true it really was. Very, very few of His children ever bother to stay in touch with Him, or tell Him how much they love Him, and appreciate all the wonderful things He has done to bless them.

….That’s when I began to realize one of the hidden benefits of becoming a victim of PAS (and by the way, it took me a looong time before I was willing to use the word “benefit” here). I now had a much better understanding of how God feels towards His children!

Thursday, September 10, 2009

"You do not yet understand what I am doing" John 13:7


“You shall remember the whole way that the Lord your God has led you these forty years in the wilderness, that He might humble you, testing you to know what was in your heart, whether you would keep his commandments or not.”
“When I passed by you again and saw you, behold, . . . I made my vow to you and entered into a covenant with you, declares the Lord God, and you became mine.”
“The Lord disciplines the one He loves.”
"Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice insofar as you share Christ's sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when His glory is revealed."
"For this slight momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen."

Deut. 8:2; Ezek. 16:8; Heb. 12:6; 1 Pet. 4:12, 13; 2 Cor. 4:17, 18

Monday, September 7, 2009

The Comfort of Memories

"How I long for the months gone by, for the days when God watched over me, when his lamp shone upon my head and by his light I walked through darkness! Oh, for the days when I was in my prime, when God's intimate friendship blessed my house, when the Almighty was still with me and my children were around me." Job 29:2-5


WOW - now, if that's not the favorite verse of a PAS victim, I can't think of one that feels better. I've spent many years in that territory. The truth is, I still go back there more often than I should. Eventually I learned that, while it was comforting to suck on my pacifier, it was not leading me anywhere. And God definitely had other plans for me. (of course, I don't really recall Him asking my opinion.... )

Do not say, "Why were the old days better than these?" For it is not wise to ask such questions. Ecclesiastes 7:10

Thursday, September 3, 2009

David says....

Stop trying to figure out how and why you got hurt. Your situation is not unique at all. Whether you were right or wrong means absolutely nothing at this point. All that matters is your willingness to move on in God and trust his mysterious workings in your life.

“…Think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened unto you: But rejoice, inasmuch as ye are partakers of Christ’s sufferings; that, when his glory shall be revealed, ye may be glad also with exceeding joy” (1 Peter 4:12, 13).

Most likely you did what you had to do. You moved in the will of God, honestly following your heart, willing to give of yourself. Love was your motivation. You did not abort the will of God, someone else did. If that were not true, you would not be the one who is hurting so. You are hurt because you tried to be honest.

You can’t understand why things blew up in your face, when God seemed to be leading all along. Your heart asks, “Why did God allow me to get into this in the first place if he knew it would never work out right?” Even Judas was called by the Lord; he was destined to be a man of God. He was handpicked by the Savior and was used of God. But Judas aborted God’s plan and broke the heart of Jesus! What started out as a plan of God ended in disaster because Judas chose to go his own way.

Lay off all your guilt trips. Stop condemning yourself. Stop trying to figure out what you did wrong. It is what you are thinking right now that really counts with God. You did not make a mistake; more than likely, you simply gave too much. Like Paul, you have to say, “The more I loved, the less I was loved” (see 2 Corinthians 12:15).



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Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Entering a new stage of growth

Ah, Sovereign Lord, you deceived me, and I was deceived; you overpowered me and prevailed. I am ridiculed all day long; everyone mocks me. Jeremiah 20:7


I used to believe that my relationship with Jesus would bring me success in this life. I used to feel as though He had blessed me with answers to my prayers. I trusted Him to always protect me from harm. Then suddenly, one day all of that changed. When tragedy struck, it seemed like He was quiet. The harder I struggled to regain my status, the more clear it became that He was opposing me. I cried out to Him, but I could not feel His answer. At least not the answer I wanted.

"For your arrows have pierced me, and your hand has come down upon me." Psalm 38:2

"The arrows of the Almighty are in me, my spirit drinks in their poison; God's terrors are marshaled against me." Job 6:4


But He had not left me. He was very patient, despite my anger. He was beginning to lead me to a place I did not want to go. When I searched through the Scriptures however, I began to discover many of the saints had walked this path before me. I began to realize how shallow my faith had been.