Another victim of PAS speaks out...

"O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, you who kill the prophets and stone those sent to you, how often I have longed to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, but you were not willing!"

You see, we are not the only ones who suffer this fate. He knows exactly what it feels like. He's been there first - before us. Maybe that's why He's decided to share His feelings with us (give us a taste of PAS) so that we can see what He feels like - maybe that way we can understand Him better...

The "Good News" here then folks, is that He has a plan to solve the problem. The same problem which our courts have created. The same problem our politicians are afraid to address. The same problem which causes you to cry yourself to sleep at night....

"See, I will send you the prophet Elijah before that great and dreadful day of the LORD comes. He will turn the hearts of the fathers to their children, and the hearts of the children to their fathers."

Kinda makes ya wish He'd hurry up, eh?

So... When will I finally be able to see my kids again?

I have to admit though – all this talk about faith in God, really wasn’t making me feel all that much better about what had happened to my family.

I guess when you come right down to it, I just couldn’t bring myself to believe that God would allow this to happen. I simply had to believe that this whole legal fiasco had to really anger Him. And just for the record: I still believe that. In fact, I think there are allot of problems on this planet that really make Him mad. But I was still focused on my own pain, and my own anger, and I kept demanding to know what He was going to do about it.

That’s when it hit me: He is going to do something about it! He does have a plan to fix the whole mess. My kids will get to finally learn the truth about what happened to our relationship.

Now I have to admit folks, it took me a long time to wrap my mind around this. Years, in fact. Guess you could say I’m kindofa slow learner. But in my defense, I think it’s perfectly natural to expect faster results whenever we face a debilitating problem.

The problem was that I had never fully come to understand the significance of His promise of Resurrection. My faith had always been more-or-less based on the here-and-now. I really expected that if I was a “good” person, and kept on doing the “right” things, like going to church, reading my Bible, even paying my tithe (well, almost a tithe) that I could expect God to come to my defense.

I really thought that He woulda stuck up for me when my ex divorced me, and by now I should at least be able to visit my kids. The hard part for me was learning that He wanted me to have more than just a “here-and-now” kinda faith.

That’s when I finally began to realize how important the Resurrection really is.

When that Day finally arrives, I will see my kids again, they will learn the truth about me, and they will finally want reconciliation! Yeah – they’ll want it – no matter how much they say they don’t want it now. And d'ya know what the best part is? I won’t have to try to convince anybody of my innocence. (OK- so you'all know, at least those of you who have actually had to face PAS, I'm the last person on earth that my kids are gonna believe, when it comes to explaining my own innocence.) But on Resurrection Day – I won’t have to explain myself. The records will be read, and the truth will be made known! That’s already been taken care of! (check out Malachi 3:16...)

I'm finally starting to understand why Paul made such a big deal about having "hope" in the Resurrection.

"Most of my kids have PAS too..."

Once I began to realize the full impact of what my ex had taught my kids to believe about me, I was devastated. What was even worse: the harder I tried to correct the damage, the worse it became. Gradually, I began to realize that without custody (and thereby control) I had no hope of ever re-establishing my relationship with my children. And, it was certain that the courts would never allow me to regain custody – therefore I had no hope of ever regaining control. And so, it became clear to me that all hope of recovery had become lost.

I prayed about this for two reasons: First, becasue of the loss of my relationship with my children, and second because I was so frustrated by the loss of control over my own life. I thought surely a gracious and loving Heavenly Father would understand how I felt. After all, He would want me to have a healthy relationship with my children – wouldn’t He? Shouldn’t He be able to intervene and help me correct the situation which the courts, and my ex, had created?

I was shocked by His answer: “Most of my kids have PAS too.” I had to sit back and think about that idea for a while, before I began to realize just how true it really was. Very, very few of His children ever bother to stay in touch with Him, or tell Him how much they love Him, and appreciate all the wonderful things He has done to bless them.

….That’s when I began to realize one of the hidden benefits of becoming a victim of PAS (and by the way, it took me a looong time before I was willing to use the word “benefit” here). I now had a much better understanding of how God feels towards His children!

The Comfort of Memories

"How I long for the months gone by, for the days when God watched over me, when his lamp shone upon my head and by his light I walked through darkness! Oh, for the days when I was in my prime, when God's intimate friendship blessed my house, when the Almighty was still with me and my children were around me." Job 29:2-5


WOW - now, if that's not the favorite verse of a PAS victim, I can't think of one that feels better. I've spent many years in that territory. The truth is, I still go back there more often than I should. Eventually I learned that, while it was comforting to suck on my pacifier, it was not leading me anywhere. And God definitely had other plans for me. (of course, I don't really recall Him asking my opinion.... )

Do not say, "Why were the old days better than these?" For it is not wise to ask such questions. Ecclesiastes 7:10